I'm a writer

Or so I keep telling people.

But if I'm completely honest I can't remember the last time I wrote something creative. 

It's not through lack of desire. I love writing and it's an enormous part of who I am. Or it was. 

I suspect it's a confidence issue because (if my memory is correct) I think I haven't written anything since the day I realised my partly finished novel was complete rubbish.

But I'm not ready to admit that my £30,000 student debt is all for nothing because my goal of being a writer is just a childish dream. I am a writer, so I'm going to write! Starting off small so I don't scare myself off.

First prompt: 
I collect names from film credits. Any name that stands out to me gets written in my notebook or saved in my phone 'just in case'. I've been doing it for years, ever since the name Zach Wolf jumped off the screen and presented itself as the name for the male character in my doomed novel.
But since Zach I've never actually used any of the names.

So for the next week I'm going to take one name every day and turn them into a character. As detailed as I can manage in one day with nothing but a name to build on.

I'm already quite excited about this! Usually I have very clear characters in my head and try to find a name that fits them. Working this way round will be a real challenge, which is just what I need.

Tomorrow's name: Miranda Rivers.

What am I doing wrong?

On Thursday I had an interview. I was last in (thanks to public transport ¬_¬) which meant that I was called for interview last, so I had loads of time to prepare my answers.  I went in, I smiled, I chatted with the interviewer, I gave my answers like I hadn't been practising them for the last 45 minutes, and I came out feeling really good about it. I was actually confident (for once in my life) that I'd got the job.

But today I got that email again. The ever-so-polite 'thanks but no thanks' email, which I now have enough of to wallpaper a room with if I printed them all off. I don't know what else to do. What can I do when a perfect interview still ends up with yet another addition to the NO pile?

I was going to start another job search today, but I've kind of lost the will.

xXx

Heck yeah, I can dance!

I almost, very nearly had another tizzy fit this week.  The going to bed early plan failed epically so I woke up today even more knackered than last Sunday. Plus there was a good 2 inches of snow on the ground. Turns out my boots aren't waterproof too... let's just say by the time I got to salsa I wasn't in a brilliant mood to start off with.  

  I tried my best; I made sure to have a drink of water, I bought a bag of crisps in case my blood sugar levels were the reason for my meltdown last week and I made sure to have a sit down between classes. But still it got to the intermediate class and my brain just would not register. I've got quite a bad ache in my shoulder because I kept doing this one move completely wrong. At one point I walked away from the dancing, but something made me go back and keep trying, and I am IMMENSELY glad that I did.  When the instructor got fed up of teaching (it was a phenomanally awkward move) he just set up a rueda and put some music on, and we just danced. 

  Rueda means wheel so basically the couples dance in a circle. The leader of the rueda shouts out moves or instructions and everyone does it at the same time. The instructions are like Fly, where you have to clap on the first beat, and Moderno where you have to lift your left leg and clap your hands under it. I think my favourite is Intima - the girls step one leg out and the man behind turns round and claps his hands round the other leg. Hard to explain but always makes me laugh, I'll have to demonstrate it some time. Anyway the track that he put on was seriously fast and, because most of the leaders were also instructors, I actually managed to keep up and keep dancing and it was so much fun I was actually breathless at the end of the song. 

  There was supposed to be a club night tonight but because of the snow it was cancelled. Instead they just left the music running for an hour after the class finished so we could hang around and freestyle. And it was brilliant. Turns out I was only so bad at the last club night because I got terrible leaders. 

  It was just so encouraging today. When we were in the rueda one of the leaders just kept saying now and then that I was following really well. He didn't have to sound quite so surprised but never mind :p In the freestyle I danced with the instructor and at the end of the dance he said he'd really enjoyed it. Now, he could just have said that because it's fairly obvious that I have no confidence, but I don't think he did. I really felt good. And one of the other instructors asked me to dance twice so I can't be that terrible! 

  I'm so, so, SO very glad I didn't give in to the urge to go home. I would have missed out on a ginormous and much-needed confidence boost.

xXx

Mmm radiator

Oh, Glasgow. Dear green place. I feel quite different about you tonight. I'm not sure what it is. It's not so much that you feel any more like home than before, but that I feel like I could one day come to love you. Almost but not quite there yet.

 I don't know if it's the effect of being in Glasgow, or being away from home, or something I can't think of right now, but I feel like the me of 6 months ago wouldn't recognise the me of today. Yesterday I hugged a guy; I initiated it and I didn't obsess over it for hours after. Tonight I started conversations with four or five people, and managed to keep it up, and it didn't even cross my mind to worry that they didn't want to speak to me.

 I'm starting to think that moving up here is the best thing I've ever done.

xXx