Count your blessings

In an attempt to stop myself going emo again and ending up a depressed wreck, I've decided I'm going to start living my life positively. This is a complete overhaul for me so I'm starting off small. For example today I'm focusing on the fact that on the way to and from work the subway train turned up just as I got onto the platform, and that I was one of only three people in my shift who managed to get a bite. I also have 2 sales this week so will be paid at least £100. All good things.

I've no idea how this will hold up the next time something bad happens, but for now it's working brilliantly.

xXx

Whinge

Usually I hate getting all emo and whining in public like this, but sack it, it's my turn. 

In less than three weeks I will have been in Glasgow for a year, and so far the only job I've managed to get is working in a call centre where I only get as far as 'Hi, my name's Hannah' before people hang up on me.

I'm sleeping in a friend's living room, and when the other flatmate comes home after Summer I'm gonna have to start paying (with money I don't have yet) or move out. Other flatmate really doesn't sound like the sharing type so I may yet be kicked out.

Scottish man is naffing off to Florence, I asked to go with him so we could stay together and he's 'thinking about it'. There's a lead weight in my gut that tells me my subconscious has already decided he will say no. I can't decide whether this is pessimistic or realistic. I just know that it scares me.

The only good thing about my life feeling like a complete mess is that I've lost my appetite and my weight's finally started going down. Except it's not really good is it, because that's not a healthy way to lose weight. 

I think I'll go and eat some worms.

xXx

Decisions, decisions.

The thing I was dreading has happened. They offered my Scottish man a permanent place in Florence, and of course he's going to take it. So I have a decision to make. 

There are several patterns emerging that Im beginning to feel will be permanent parts of my life. First, that I will always love people more than they love me. Second, that whenever it comes to a difficult decision it will always be left to me to choose the right answer, no matter how painful the right answer may be.

I believe every pastor who has preached that troubles come to train us for what God really wants us to do. But I wonder what on earth God's going to do with me that needs me to be this strong.

xXx