I've just got two weeks of meals for £16. I love you Iceland! I also love that I managed to get there and back before it started raining again. No wet socks for me *thumbs up*.
You may think that this waffling entry is simply a desperate excuse to get away from a book review that I can't even begin to write, but you would be wrong. Kind of. Okay, you'd be right BUT I also wanted to put up the next parody. Keep the momentum going. So here is my parody of Flaubert's Parrot by somebody Barnes:
Chronology
1988 Birth of Hannah Thorley, second child but first daughter of David Thorley, a fabricator at Crewe Works, and of Gillian Thorley, nee Dodd, a full time mother.
1988 Birth of Hannah Thorley, second child but first daughter of David Thorley, a fabricator at Crewe Works, and of Gillian Thorley, nee Dodd, a full time mother.
1990 Gillian returns to work so Hannah begins playschool. Due to her crippling shyness she doesn't speak to anyone and makes no friends. She is left to amuse herself with the small selection of children's books.
1992 Enters Beechwood Primary School and receives a report that will be echoed throughout her primary and secondary education: "Excellent work, but needs to speak more." Despite her almost constant silence her teacher manages to establish that Hannah's strongest subjects are maths and English.
1993 Meets Stephanie Waddington, her first friend. She does not make friends easily at any point in her life, but once formed her friendships are hardly ever broken.
1994 The Thorleys move to Kent. When she refuses to answer the register her new teacher removes Hannah's name from it and reprimands her for stubbornness. Hannah never speaks another word to her.
1995 The Thorleys move back to Crewe and friendship with Stephanie Waddington picks up where it left off.
1997 Rachael is bullied at school so Hannah is forced to move with her to Shavington Primary School. Hannah now answers the register but doesn't say much else. After reading the entire library she falls slightly in love with her teacher, who lends Hannah her own personal books. She also allows her free use of the dictionary while the rest of the class is learning to spell 'difficulty'.
1999 Begins at Shavington High School where she is bullied and quite miserable for all five years, but manages to make several good friends including Kelly Bampton, Hannah Falvey and Emily Fairclough.
2004 Suffers a disappointing two years at South Cheshire College. Makes no new friends, doesn't enjoy her chosen subjects and develops a deep dislike for her sociology lecturer, Julian Salisbury. She thinks up the inspired nickname 'Julieeee.'
2005 Hannah's initiation into the realm of boyfriends with one David Gawne. She has no idea that almost exactly two years later it will all go horribly wrong.
2006 Spends four months of a gap year in Sweden acquiring skills which are interesting but bear no relation to her life in England, such as knife making and wood chopping.
2007 Enters her last choice of university, Manchester Metropolitan, and discovers to her horror that she is based at the Crewe campus so will not be moving away from home.
2007 In spite of the fact that driving fills her with a sense of dread, Hannah passes her driving test first time and begins to wonder how she will ever afford a car.
2008 Finally moves away from home, but only makes it ten minutes down the road.
2010 In an attempt to avoid reality and fulfil a lifelong dream of visiting Scotland, Hannah begins an MLitt at Glasgow University.
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